You’ve avoided the clowns, dodged the fire-breathers, and picked your main act. You’ve looked in the mirror tent and owned your patterns. Now, it’s time to ask the question that’s been tugging at the back of your mind the whole time:

What if the kind of love I want doesn’t look like everyone else’s?

What if I’m not looking for quiet dinners and 2.5 kids? What if I want a collar instead of a ring? What if I want open love, strange rituals, power play, public fun, private worship, or just something that can’t be wrapped in a Hallmark plotline?

Then welcome, darling. You’re ready for the freakshow. And no, that’s not a pejorative. It’s an embrace. A celebration. A doorway into the deepest parts of desire.

Missed the earlier acts? Catch up here:

• 🎟️ Part 1 – Avoiding the Wrong People With Precision & Grace
• 🎯 Part 2 – Getting Laser Focused on What You Do Want
• 🤡 Part 3 - Are You the Clown in the Dating Circus?

First, What Needs to Shift

If you want access to the kinkier, nontraditional, and more liberating corners of love, your mindset has to change. The tools and behaviors that serve you in normie dating will not always translate here. You have to open your mind, yes—but also sharpen your skills.

1. From Shame to Curiosity

You have to drop the fear that wanting more, different, or weirder means you are broken. You are not. You are tuned into a part of yourself that most people spend their lives denying.

Curiosity is the currency of the freakshow. You do not need to know everything. You do need to be open to learning.

2. From Passivity to Intention

Kinkier and alternative relationships do not work well by accident. You cannot just hope someone figures out what you want. You must become fluent in your own desires, limits, and boundaries.

You need to be able to say:

• “I want to be submissive but only in scenes.”

• “I am polyamorous and interested in hierarchical structures.”

• “I want primal play but I need emotional safety to feel turned on.”

• "I want you to do everything I say at all times, even outside the bedroom."

• "I won't be happy unless something freaky happens."

• "I want your only desire to be to please me."

• "I'm a bottom but I'm dominant."

If you cannot say it, you will not receive it. Intention is the invitation.

3. From Default Scripts to Custom Agreements

There is no roadmap here. You must co-create your connections. That means:

• Defining what fidelity means to you.

• Agreeing on what scenes look like, what aftercare feels like, what titles mean, what rituals exist.

• Talking about STI testing, disclosure timelines, safe words, and emotional safety nets.

• Determining if you want scene-based kink or full-time. 

The freakshow is not lawless. It is just highly personalized. Your love doesn’t need to follow any rulebook—it just needs to be intentional and highly personalized. Negotiation is your love language now.

Second, What Needs to Be Practiced

You do not need to be a seasoned kinkster or relationship anarchist to enter this world. But you do need to practice a few foundational skills that will open the gates.

1. Self-Knowledge

You need to understand:

• What arouses you — the specific textures, words, dynamics, or fantasies that awaken your hunger.

• What shuts you down — the tones, expectations, or emotional climates that make your body retreat.

• What gives you power — the moments when you feel most embodied, confident, and potent.

• What makes you feel safe enough to let go — the rituals, reassurances, or contexts that help you surrender without fear.

Explore through fantasy, through writing, through self-play, through asking questions. Try journaling after sex, noting what turned you on and what didn’t. Track your patterns like a scientist studying pleasure. The goal is not to perform kinkiness. The goal is to find what makes you feel deliciously alive.

2. Clear Communication

This is not optional. This is sacred.

You need:

• Negotiation language — the ability to co-create scenes, relationships, and experiences with clarity and mutual enthusiasm. This includes knowing how to set the stage, check in, and exit gracefully.

• Consent habits — like enthusiastic checking-in, pre-negotiation, regular reassessments, and understanding that "yes" should always be revocable.

• Repair tools — for when something goes wrong, including how to take accountability, re-establish safety, process hurt without blame, and rebuild trust over time.

Say what you want. Say what you do not. Learn how to say yes. Learn how to say no. Practice until it feels like muscle memory.

3. Community Awareness

Find your people. You do not have to go full FetLife and play parties to belong. But you should:

• Learn from others who live like you want to. Follow their writing, attend their workshops, listen to their podcasts, or just spend time in their orbit. Let yourself soak in their language, pacing, and ways of loving.

• Observe dynamics and norms — not to copy them, but to understand the range of what’s possible.

• Ask questions without entitlement — and always be willing to listen more than you speak. Community is earned through presence, humility, and mutual respect.

Freakiness does not mean isolation. It means liberation in context. Kink communities exist for support, not just sex.

4. Emotional Resilience

You will face rejection. You will get things wrong. You will have to unlearn shame and learn new habits. Do not let that stop you.

Practice:

• Self-forgiveness — give yourself permission to be imperfect, to learn, and to grow without weaponizing your past against yourself.

• Self-regulation — develop calming rituals and emotional tools to manage big feelings before they spiral into shame or shutdown.

• Reaching out when you feel unsure or messy — connection is often the cure. Ask for help, clarity, reassurance, or just to be witnessed. You do not have to figure it all out alone.

Lastly, What You Need to Believe

• You are not too much.

• You are not asking for the impossible.

• You are not alone.

• You deserve to be worshipped, respected, desired, and understood.

• Your love story does not need to look like anyone else’s to be real.

• There's a foot for every shoe, even if it's a 9" permanent ballerina heel. 

In the meantime, if you want a beautiful way to start these conversations, try playing Deeper: The Game. You’ll be amazed at how fast “weird” starts to feel wonderful. The included Kink Expansion is perfect for this exploration.