
Spotting Your Headliner: Getting Clear on What You Do Want in the Dating Circus - Fakes, Flakes, & Friends: A Modern Dating Survival Guide (Part 2)
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You’ve made it out of the sideshow maze. The illusionists, ghosting magicians, and juggling acts of inconsistency? Dodged. Now you’re standing in the center ring, ticket in hand, wondering: What kind of act do I want to see next? Who deserves to take up space on this stage with me?
If you haven’t read Part 1, do that first: Avoiding the Sideshow Acts in the Circus of Modern Dating
This isn’t about finding the flashiest performer. It’s about finding someone whose presence feels like steady spotlight, not smoke and mirrors. Someone whose act matches their audition. Someone who doesn’t just show potential, but who shows up. You’re not looking for perfect. You’re looking for aligned. Ready. Real.
For help with getting to that level of clarity, these blogs offer backup:
The Main Event: What You’re Actually Looking For
Let’s make this clear. You are not here to be spun around by trapeze swingers or hypnotized by sweet-talking snake charmers. You’re not here to applaud emotional chaos or give standing ovations to halfhearted effort. You are here for the headliner. Someone solid. Someone skilled. Someone real.
Below are the traits of someone who belongs in your ring.
1. Directness
No riddles. No misdirection. No clever vanishing acts. Direct people are honest about what they want, who they are, and how they feel.
They say things like:
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“I want to see you.”
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“Here’s what I’m looking for.”
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“Let me make this simple.”
Directness is a gift. It creates safety. It cuts through the fog. It allows both people to relax into clarity instead of spinning in uncertainty.
2. Forward Motion
They do not twirl in place. They do not keep you on the edge of your seat wondering if the second act is ever coming. They move the story forward.
They do things like:
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Offer specific dates and follow through.
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Ask you out again during the first hang.
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Handle logistics without you having to remind, follow up, or carry the emotional labor.
Forward motion is not about speed. It is about momentum. The relationship feels alive, not stalled. It has a pulse, not a placeholder.
3. Humor
They make the tent brighter. They find joy in being with you. They can laugh at life’s messiness and their own flaws without spinning into shame. They laugh with you, not at you.
You know it is real when:
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They volley your weird jokes back with excitement.
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They do not flinch at your quirks. They celebrate them.
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They let you be silly, clever, sarcastic, or dry, and they play along.
Humor creates glue. It builds inside jokes. It creates warmth. It gives your relationship the buoyancy it needs to handle deeper things without drowning.
4. Emotional Responsibility
They do not turn emotional slip-ups into pyrotechnics. They are aware of their triggers. They name them. They own them. They do not weaponize their feelings or use vulnerability as an excuse to hurt you.
They model:
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“That’s on me.”
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“I reacted strongly. Let me try again.”
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“I am still learning how to communicate this, but I want to.”
When someone takes responsibility, you do not feel like you are walking a tightrope of their moods. You feel grounded. You feel like your feelings are allowed to show up too.
5. Reciprocity
They meet you. Not just emotionally, but energetically. They do not sit back waiting to be adored or over-functioned for. They show up.
You feel:
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Matched in enthusiasm.
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Seen for your effort.
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Comfortably able to give and receive without keeping score.
When there is reciprocity, the relationship feels like a duet, not a solo performance with a silent audience.
6. Reliability
They are not a flight risk. They do not cancel the act last minute or show up half-rehearsed. They do what they say they are going to do. Every time.
You experience:
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Follow-through.
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Predictable communication.
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Dependability that feels like peace, not paperwork.
Inconsistency creates anxiety. Reliability builds trust. Trust creates intimacy. No shortcuts.
7. Curiosity
They want to know the person behind the act. Not just the makeup and the costume. Not just your Instagram bio or your go-to dinner story. They want you.
They ask:
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“What’s something about you most people miss?”
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“When do you feel most yourself?”
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“What were you like as a kid?”
Curiosity turns connection into discovery. It reminds you that you are not just dating for comfort, you are dating for depth.
8. Ease
It is not clunky. It is not chaos. You are not constantly feeling like you are auditioning or apologizing. It feels like coming home. Like someone else knows the choreography.
Ease sounds like:
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“I like who I am around you.”
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“You make this feel natural.”
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“That was fun. Let’s do it again.”
Ease is not boring. It is not chemistry-less. It is a sign that something in you recognizes something safe in them. Ease is compatibility in motion.
Bottom Line: You Want a Co-Star, Not an Audience
You are not here to be the whole damn act. You want someone who shares the spotlight, reads the cues, and meets you in the ring. You want to build something side by side. Not drag someone around. Not perform for scraps.
When in doubt, ask yourself: Is this person a partner or a patron? Are they showing up, or just clapping from the stands?
If it feels like guessing, juggling, chasing, or hoping for better behavior, it is probably not the act for you.
If it feels like steady hands, shared laughter, and a full-hearted yes? That is someone worth keeping in the ring.
And when you meet that someone? Pull out Deeper: The Game. Let them show you who they really are. Ask the good questions. Share the truth. Feel what it is like to be witnessed without the smoke, mirrors, or spotlight.
Now you’ve got the map.