When it comes to sex, nothing can ruin the moment faster than bad hygiene; this especially true when it comes to anal sex. So, today, I’ve got some tips to get your booty clean and make sure you’re as ready as you can be for those surprise moments. Here’s your step-by-step guide to prepping for anal sex.
After these 5 simple steps, I’ve got a few more advanced tips for folks who’ve become a bit devote to backdoor play. You big slut! Good for you!
#1 Deliver your food baby
If you’re in labor or close to it, do your business. Make sure to pay attention to what it feels like to be empty, it’ll help in times when you can’t properly prepare.
#2 Lock that ass up
Before you start prepping to be anally penetrated, it’s smart to use an anti-diarrhea medication. Mylanta and Pepto work the best but it doesn’t really matter what kind you use; just make sure to take it about 30-45 minutes before anal play. Shout out to Cole Maverick of Maverick Men for that porn star pro tip.
#3 Wash yo’ ass!
Soap and water are your best friends for most hygiene, including anal. Hop in the shower and stick a soapy finger up your tush. Swirl it around and make sure the lower part of your rectum is squeaky clean. Even if you’re not worried about cleanliness, why not stick a finger or two up there just for funsies.
Go light on the soap because it can dry out the natural mucus inside your rectum and cause problems. Also, do not use antibacterial soap because you need those natural bacteria to keep you from getting sick.
#4 Flush yo’ ass out.
If you’re planning on getting it in deep, you need to make sure you’re clean and I mean squeaky; this is where the enema comes in. It helps clear your rectum and colon using water to get shit (pun intended) moving. It takes a while, about an hour, to complete the whole process but you will be clean as a whistle.
#5 Bend over bitch!
This isn’t really a tip but rather what you want to hear after making all these anal preparations. If you follow these tips, you could be hearing some hot piece screaming that your way. Have fun, you crazy kids.
Advance Anal Hygiene & Maintenance Tips:
Now, that we’ve got the more basic tips out the way, let’s talk about tips for folks who want to enjoy anal on the regular.
#1 Wipe yo’ ass
It’s time to upgrade how you wipe yo’ ass. For too long, your poor anus has suffered under the tyranny of a toilet paper regime. Break free from your oppressive shackles and finally get that all-over clean feeling you’ve been wanting. Vote for the liberty of clean booty; vote baby wipes in 2013.
But seriously, other than maybe a bidet, baby wipes and toilet wipes are the best way to get your booty clean after you’ve done your business. Guys, this tip is especially important for your hairy butts; if you want someone shoving their face all up in the crack of yo’ ass – and trust me you do – you need to make it as clean as possible.
#2 Fix yo’ diet!
Shit happens, it just does and there’s nothing you can do to change that. But you can change how efficiently your exhaust system works. In order to fix what comes out your butt, you’ve got to fix what goes in your mouth.
Fiber is like a magic supplement that helps your digestive tract work more efficiently. If you’re into eating a lot of fruits and veggies like apples and broccoli then just add a bunch of leafy and dark green stuff to your cart. If not, try a fiber supplement: powder, pills, tabs, liquids, etc. You’ll have to play around and find the mix that works for you but it will make a big difference.
Make sure to stay away from spicy food, dairy and anything you know causes nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach or diarrhea. For obvious reasons.
#3 Stretch yo ass out
For a healthy body, regular exercise is important; the same principle applies your anus. If you want to play anal yoga games without Olympic level warm ups every single time, you’re going to need to stay in a state of elasticity.
For this one, all you have to do is play with your butt. Wear a butt plug, use some fingers or even get gangbanged, it doesn’t matter. By simply playing with your ass 3-4 times a week, you’ll keep it strong and flexible for whatever else you’ve got in store.