Believe it or not, divorces have an annual rotation; and we’re right at the start of it. Thanksgiving to New Year’s is the season when people decide to divorce. Come March, they file.

It happens every single year like clockwork.

But instead of paying a divorce attorney thousands of dollars for a breakup you could’ve prevented, you could buy some lube, take a shower, or simply change how you talk to each other and stay far out of court.

Here are the 13 behaviors you can stop right now to avoid becoming yet another spring divorce.

1. Withholding Appreciation (The Slow Poison)

If you only praise them when they’re exceptional, you’re starving the relationship.

Fix it: Thank them for the small things. People bloom under acknowledgment. You will too.

Examples:

• Thank you for being here with me.
• Thank you for helping me.
• You’ve been doing XYZ and it’s been helpful.
• That made me feel better.
• Wow, that’s really tasty.

2. Weaponized Silence (Yes, It’s Emotional Violence)

The silent treatment isn’t cooling down it’s punishment.

Fix it: Use your words like an adult. Boundaries, not brick walls.

Examples:

• I need 20 minutes to reset.
• Let’s try again tomorrow.
• You know what, it doesn’t matter let’s pause.

3. Scorekeeping (The Accountant of Doom)

“If I did X, you should do Y.” No, babe. That’s business math, not love math.

Fix it: Replace tally marks with teamwork. It doesn’t matter who’s doing what as long as the person beside you is down for you through whatever.

4. Back Talk (Death by Sass)

Not playful roasting disrespect as a lifestyle. Sarcasm that cuts. Public humiliation. "Jokes" that are insults. Talking under your breath. Bringing up old mistakes every time they breathe too loud.

Fix it: Speak to your partner like you care about them, not like they're your least favorite coworker. If you can’t be kind, you’ve got some reflection to do.

5. Resentment Hoarding (Emotional Hoarders Anonymous)

Saving every offense "for later" is how you burn down a marriage with no fire.

Fix it: Address small frustrations weekly, not yearly. Or say it immediately: "I don’t like that." You can sort the details out later.

6. Neglecting Touch (You’re Becoming Roommates)

Humans need affection not just sex.

Fix it: Touch their back when you walk by. Kiss goodnight. Hold hands. Hug them. Playful affection counts too.

7. Doom Narratives ("You ALWAYS…" "You NEVER…")

These phrases put your relationship into hospice. They erase effort, shut down growth, and guarantee defensiveness.

Fix it: Treat each issue individually. Address this moment.

8. Talking Like Your Partner Is the Entire Problem

Instead of “what’s wrong with you?” try:

“What’s going on with us?”

Fix it: Shift from accusation to collaboration.

Examples:

• When was the last time we ate?
• We could use some sleep.
• We are doing too much and need to dial it back.

9. Treating Stress Like a Personality Trait

You’re not actually mad at them; you’re exhausted, hungry, dehydrated, overstimulated, or spiritually under-moisturized.

Fix it: Regulate your nervous system before you speak.

Quick guide:

• If you think everyone hates you, you need sleep.
• If you hate everyone, you need to eat.
• If you feel like you can’t do anything right, you need a shower.
• If everything feels pointless, you need fresh air.
• If you feel overwhelmed, make one tiny decision.
• If you feel unloved, seek connection.
• If you feel stuck, move your body.
• If you feel hopeless, you need rest and reassurance.

10. Ignoring Your Inner World

When’s the last time you asked yourself:

“What’s been on my mind lately?”

Fix it: Become curious about yourself again. Journal instead of ranting. Clarity before volume.

11. Letting Your Worst Self Run the Conversation

Holiday stress turns everyone into their least healed version.

Fix it: Tell the truth before it gets ugly.

Examples:

• “I’m overwhelmed and don’t want to take it out on you. I need alone time.”
• “Baby, I love you but if you don’t shut up, seppuku is my only remaining option.”
• “My mouth will be on fire if I talk.”
• “Dragon Mode.”

12. Forgetting You’re On the Same Team

You’re not fighting each other; you're fighting stress, childhood wounds, exhaustion, and unrealistic expectations.

Fix it: Ask each other:

“How can we win this together?”

And then do that.

13. Treating Divorce Like It's a Realistic Option

This is the quiet killer. The moment your brain labels divorce as “Plan B,” your effort drops, your resentment grows, and your willingness to repair collapses. Humans don’t nurture what they consider disposable.

Fix it: Stop treating separation like a safety valve. Commit to repairing before you fantasize about leaving. Choose curiosity over catastrophizing. Your relationship isn’t fragile — it’s responsive.

If you make these changes today, Christmas divorce won’t even be on the table.