Thanks to equality, women have been able to open up, tell their stories and vent frustrations they carried for decades. Eventually though, many cynics hopped into fray and used that genuine conversation to sell a populist message more marketable: Niggas ain’t shit. The casual disregard of men has become normalized, and it has created a divisive culture where both men and women feel the effects. This negativity towards men is perpetuated by the media, social norms, and general societal attitudes. This disrespect is hurting everyone, and it is time for change.
For clarity, we’re living in the cis binary and traditional roles for this article. The reality of intersex, and trans people is unique and variable. I’m not yet equipped to handle that portion of the conversation. As a queer cis man, there’s still useful information here though. It might bring you closer to fellow Masc. queers who often feel isolated simply because they are masculine and presumed toxic.
The tendency towards leadership and decisiveness is not a negative trait, but rather an essential one. These qualities should be appreciated and celebrated rather than vilified or taken for granted.
Men are naturally driven to be providers, protectors, and leaders. These innate traits are not only natural but also beneficial to society. Men are hard-wired to be focused on problem-solving, and this quality is invaluable in every aspect of life, whether in business or personal relationships. The tendency towards leadership and decisiveness is not a negative trait, but rather an essential one.
These qualities should be appreciated and celebrated rather than vilified or taken for granted. Understanding the drives of men will help you understand the drive of all masculine people, including women. It will help you understand leaders in all contexts because they share the same duties even if their approach is different.
Don’t try to change them!
The belief that men need to be changed to fit the mold of what society deems as acceptable is misguided. These natural qualities cannot be suppressed or ignored. Instead, we should embrace these qualities and provide a space where men can develop into the best version of themselves. Men need to be encouraged to be authentic and true to themselves, without fear of ridicule or shame.
This the meaning of boys will be boys. Boys and girls are inherently different thanks to biology. Do not try to make boys behave like girls because we need their unique traits even in modern civility. Ignore your instincts to intervene in boys’ matters, they will figure it out in their own way. Celebrate our differences. Enjoy the fact that women’s hormones don’t typically make them want to act like a rabid animal for “fun” constantly. Men are silently buzzing with excess energy and drive that has to find a place to go or it will literally destroy them internally. Not experiencing that endless stress is a privilege most don’t appreciate.
Individual Men are Not the Patriarchy
"Truthfully, the default expectation of male dominance is patriarchy, that’s it. Men hate it too! So many dudes are waiting for a boss bitch to submit to."
The culture of patriarchy and toxic masculinity that exists in society is detrimental to men and society as a whole. Patriarchy is not about men as individuals; it is about a system of power and control that oppresses women. There’s a misconception that this historical depression is a purposeful evil, when in truth it’s the result of choices we’ve both made to survive. Women are equally as responsible for the state of the world as men and still benefit from the qualities media convinces are toxic.
Truthfully, the default expectation of male dominance is patriarchy, that’s it. Men hate it too! So many dudes are waiting for a boss bitch to submit to. Most dudes hate being presumed responsible for any woman they’re with. Being a breadwinner is the hardest job in society and men have only recently gotten the opportunity to be carried and supported in the homesteader role. Many women don’t know the entirety of their new social role and blame the confusion on men being weak or evil.
When men understand and appreciate their natural tendencies, they can become better partners and human beings.
Toxic masculinity is not real as you understand it. Toxic masculinity is thought to be a product of patriarchy and the social norms that exist within society. It promotes an unhealthy view of what it means to be a man, such as aggression, dominance, and objectification of women. However, it’s better understood as absolute power corrupts absolutely.
It is true that many leaders, who were historically men by default failed at their duty and created toxic situations in a masculine style. But the reality is that women are doing the exact same shit in their own unique way now that they are assuming the same roles. In fact, the externalizing of blame for modern women’s social discomfort is the same as men claiming their old battle axe is ruining their life.
The truth is that we are all under media pressures that do not push for personal accountability. All popular media tells us that we are great and therefore problems are always someone else’s fault. It’s always easier to blame outward than do the hard work to fix ourselves and live fully within our power.
The real problem is toxic leadership. The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can heal deep emotional social wounds and get back to the cooperative relationship men and women are supposed to have.
Men are not sex addicted, unfaithful whores
Men's sexual drive is another area that is often misunderstood and misrepresented. Men's sex drive is a natural part of their biology, and it's the reason they are so driven in life and love. It is not something that can be turned off or ignored. However, this natural drive does not mean that men are entitled to have sex whenever they want or that all women are just objects for their pleasure. But it does mean that providing them sex or space to express their sexuality fully is a requirement to share their space and resources when it comes to their mate. It’s not negotiable.
Men are expected to provide, protect, lead, and bear all that stress every single day without fail. It’s unfair and cruel to deny men the reward of release in the way their brain wants it, just because you don’t understand.
This is typically why successful relationships have clauses in their relationship that allow for his expression and successful men historically have multiple wives but not the other way around. Often women’s sexual desire ebbs and flows due to their hormones, menstruation cycle, etc., which is fine. Modern men and the law respect this. But men are expected to provide, protect, lead, and bear all that stress every single day without fail. It’s unfair and cruel to deny men the reward of release in the way their brain wants it, just because you don’t understand.
Truthfully, it’s not even our place to tell men what they can and can’t do with their bodies. Even their spouses can only request and hope, unless they’re the breadwinner who’d be responsible for extramarital kids. But media feels safe to shame and guilt men, leading everyday people to do the same.
This misunderstanding of men's sexual drive leads to self-hatred, anti-social behavior, and emotional distance from men, which can affect their mental and physical health. We all need to be educated about healthy human sexuality and how to express it in a way that is respectful and consensual. When men understand and appreciate their natural tendencies, they can become better partners and human beings.
Men have been devalued and disrespected in modern society, which has created a divisive culture. We need to appreciate and celebrate men's natural qualities, such as their drive to be providers, protectors, and leaders. The culture of patriarchy and toxic masculinity needs to be addressed, and we need to create a space where men can be authentic and true to themselves.
Men are an essential part of society, and we need to appreciate and celebrate their natural qualities. It's time to embrace a culture that values men for who they are and encourages them to be the best version of themselves. Let's work together to create a world where men can thrive and be appreciated for their unique contributions.