There’s a quiet voice that lives in many of us; an echo of childhood. It whispers "you’re gonna get in trouble,” even when you’re grown, paying your own bills, owning your own decisions. Sometimes it’s your mom’s voice, your church’s voice, your community’s gaze. But mostly? It’s just the ghost of control, lingering in your bones.

I exorcised mine with a face tattoo.

It wasn’t a midlife crisis or a rebellious stunt. It was something I’d wanted since I was a child. Something bold, undeniable, and mine. A declaration to myself: this body, this life, this direction, it’s mine. So if I want to cover my whole body before I die? Fuck it. Let’s go.

This is a guide to doing what the hell you want to do. Not impulsively, not recklessly but boldly, joyfully, and with your whole ass chest.

A note for the Autistics:
This is unlikely to ever truly get better. A part of our brains being so weird and powerful is our ability to be programmed. This is the iconic version of that. It's why so many autistic people fail to launch or ever really become a fully autonomous adult. We find comfort in mommy and daddy in a way that is not childlike but actually childish - stunted.

It's true that even people who aren't on the spectrum may revert back to being a kid when staying in their childhood home. But us, we typically don't leave childhood without someone manually teaching us step by step, endless encouragement, or at least forcing us to figure it out. Independence is simply not our strong suit but that doesn't mean it's impossible. Look at me.

Missed the previous blogs in this Getting What You Want series?

• The art of no.
• The Rebellion of Patience.
• 50 small victories to change your outlook on life.
• Radical Optimism
• Let the past rot
• The importance of transactional relationships
• Why do you keep giving to people who don't give a shit?
• Why you can't move forward and how to fix it.
• I need to start over. I don't want to run away. 
• The case for starting over. 
• What are you waiitng for?
• Maybe you should leave?
• Overcoming avoidance.

Step 1: Recognize the Phantom Parent & Teen in Your Head

You may be decades removed from being a child, but if you still hesitate when doing something harmless-yet-personal, like dyeing your hair pink, quitting a job, crying in public, getting a tattoo, eating for fun, playing games, giving a damn, or any number of other things. You may also be doing things that you don't want to do because you were once told it's the right thing to do.

Alternatively, you might also be carrying a "who’s gonna check me?" reflex that never matured into self-authority. This is rebellion is not independence nor true autonomy. Decisions made with this motivation rarely work out well. We need to shift this mindset to one of "everything is going to be alright."

Try this:
Write down the things you’re scared and or angry to do and identify whose judgment is holding you back. Is it your actual parents? Your old teacher? Imaginary strangers? Then write a rebuttal from your current self, the one who pays taxes and survived worse. Ask yourself why you do or don't do these things.

Step 2: Take Micro-Actions That Are Just for You

Autonomy isn’t a personality trait; it’s a muscle. And baby, it atrophies if you don’t use it. You need reps.

Try this:

• Go to a movie alone.

• Order the weird thing you want off the menu.

• Dress how you want just because.

• Say “no thanks” without explaining why.

• Burp without saying excuse me.

• Buy the bike.

• Throw away things you've been holding on to.

• Try saying "I don't like them."

• Change out a familiar food for a delicacy.

• Give a damn about something your brain tells you is too dumb to matter.

• Tell the employee that your order is wrong.

• Happily decline to tip at the counter.

• Have a drink in the middle of the day.

• Go out late.

Each time, you’re reminding your brain that nothing bad happens when I live for me.

Step 3: Expect Discomfort But Push Anyway

Taking back your autonomy often feels wrong at first. That’s the childhood fear talking—"you're being selfish," "you’re gonna get in trouble." But discomfort isn’t danger. It’s your old boundaries stretching.

Try this mantra:
"I’m not doing this to upset anyone. I’m doing this to honor myself.”
"It's the truth."
"I'm not hurting anyone."
"It's gonna be alright."

Here's a playlist I listen to, which helps me with that energy: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7M0gHz5RJ8fYwpoRLxs76Y?si=f1e0359fe2984661

Step 4: Take Calculated Risks (Like a Man, but Better)

Let’s be real. A lot of men become successful not because they’re smarter or more talented—but because they’re willing to take big, bold, sometimes stupid risks. And the world is built to reward that energy. If you’ve ever envied their success, try this:

Try this:

• Pitch the idea before it’s perfect.

• Apply for the job that’s “out of your league.”

• Flirt first.

• Start the business.

• Get the face tattoo (if it’s your thing).

Risk is not recklessness—it’s placing a bet on yourself. And what’s the alternative? Staying in a tiny box of approval forever?

My story:
One of the most notable features of my visage is the artwork covering roughly 65% my body. From childhood, I knew I wanted my whole body inked up as a scrapbook, hieroglyph sheet, cave drawing, or totem pole telling the story of my life. It's not for anyone but me really. I do share new ones but this is the first time I've ever revealed the meaning of my artwork in public. This personal meaning and contemplation makes my artwork impossible to be ashamed of. I forget it's there. It's just supposed to be there and people respond to it that way. People ask if I do tattoos, not if I'm a gangbanger or felon. It also helps that I've had one tattoo artist for the last 13+ years who has been inking for nearly 30 years. Shout out to Alex Frantz at Urban Rituals in Michigan @alexfrantztattooz on IG.

Step 5: Autonomy Breeds Joy, Confidence, and Magnetism

People who live for themselves shine different. They're harder to manipulate, more magnetic to lovers, and shockingly good at life—even when they’re still figuring it out.

The benefits of autonomy:

• Stronger relationships (because you're not people-pleasing)

• Better career choices (because you know your values)

• More authentic self-expression (and better style)

• A sense of peace no one can give or take away

• Clearer boundaries that actually stick

• The confidence to say no without guilt

• More aligned friendships and partnerships

• Fewer regrets, more stories

When you're living for yourself, you stop asking, "what will they think?" and start asking "what do I think?" You become the curator of your life instead of just a guest. That energy is rare, intoxicating, and deeply magnetic—because most people don't know how to do it. But you do. Or at least, you're learning.

Final Word:

If you’ve been waiting for permission to live how you actually want to live, here it is. Not from your mom. Not from your boss. From the grown-up version of you. The you that knows this life is short. This body is yours. This path is yours to walk, crawl, or strut.

Go get the metaphorical (or literal) face tattoo.
You might just find your power inked underneath.

You got this.