Let’s start with the obvious: not every gay person wants to dance on a float, doused in glitter, lip-syncing to Beyoncé in assless chaps. And even if you do, you might not want to do that in public. 

Some of us—many of us—feel like modern Pride doesn’t quite fit.
You might be bisexual and tired of being erased.
You might be a Black gay man searching for connection with people like you.
You might be a goth, a leather Daddy, a stone butch, hippie dippie, or a gay autistic introvert who would rather sit in silence than scream in a crowd.

You are not alone. And you're not wrong for feeling complicated about a celebration that has become more party than riot or organization.

This is your guide to making Pride matter—even when it doesn't look like you.

1. Pride Was Never Just a Party

Pride began as a riot led by drag queens, lesbians, and gay street kids fighting for the right to exist.
Not to be marketable. Not to be digestible.
To be left the fuck alone.

If you’ve ever been shamed for being too soft, too aggressive, too weird, too horny, too masculine, too fat, too feminine, too bi, too visibly gay, then congratulations—you are what Pride was always for.

2. Start Your Own Celebration

If the local Pride parade feels like a sorority mixer in rainbow, start your own thing.
Invite your favorite bisexual friends over for a Pride brunch with real conversation.
Host a movie night with Moonlight, Bound, or some messy-ass gay sex documentary.
Go cruising. Go hiking. Go journaling. Go fuck your husband in the woods.

Pride doesn’t have to be public to be powerful.
What matters is that it's real.

You can also treat Pride like the holiday season—a reason to gather with your chosen gay family and friends. Bears love a reason to eat. Lesbians love a reason to grill. Pride is a summer event—it’s literally begging for a gay BBQ or a gaymer function. Gays-giving. The 4th of Gay-ly. Gay-morial Day. Gay-bor Day. Who cares? Make up a reason and get the gays together.

3. Gay ≠ The Same

There are as many ways to be gay as there are gays.

There are Black leather daddies and femboy bottoms.
Married bi dads and femme bisexual girls with terrifying eyeliner.
Autistic top-only gays (hi!) and bisexual women who love men but don’t trust them.
Monogamous gays. Polyamorous gays. Celibate gays. Horny gays. Gay gamers. Religious queens.

There is no right way to be homosexual. There is no right way to be bisexual.
If Pride doesn’t reflect you, that doesn’t make you the problem.
It means the reflection is too small.

Other people have realized this too—which is why you can often find alternate Pride events during your local Pride season. Look for bear cookouts, bisexual dance nights, sober hangs, underground balls, or outdoor retreats. You might also discover that these aren’t just once-a-year events; many are part of a thriving year-round culture. You can be gay as hell, all 365 days of the year.

4. Create Intimacy, Not Optics

This month is your reminder: you don’t need to stage joy to be deserving of it. You don’t need a six-pack to be touched with reverence. You don’t have to dazzle to be desired.

Ask yourself:

• Do you want to build a family with another man?

• Do you miss the raw erotic joy of your first bisexual hookup?

• Are you craving depth, comfort, and emotional safety in your sex life?

• Do you wish you could let go during sex without worrying about how it looks to someone else?

• Are you performing “hot and happy” when what you need is “held and healing”?

Instead of performing your identity, try nurturing it. That could mean:

• Having a long, awkward, healing conversation with your partner about your real desires.

• Taking yourself on a gay date—with flowers, music, and your favorite takeout.

• Sitting with the sadness that comes from feeling invisible in the mainstream.

• Touching yourself like someone who deserves care.

You don’t need witnesses to be whole. Intimacy starts when you stop pretending and start listening to what your body, heart, and gut are asking for.

5. Alt-Gay Acts of Devotion

• Take a selfie that you don’t post. Just admire yourself.

• Write a love letter to the first man or woman who made you feel safe to be gay.

• Cook a full meal naked with your partner.

• Volunteer or donate to a gay youth or elderly organization. Whether it's helping fund school supplies for homeless bisexual teens or spending time at a local elder housing center for aging gay men, your support matters. Many of these organizations are small, community-run, and deeply underfunded—your time, money, or even just attention can go a long way. Pride is not just about visibility; it’s about continuity—making sure the generations behind and ahead of us are supported, seen, and safe all year long.

• Explore gay history. Places like the Leather Archives & Museum in Chicago make our history more accessible than ever. You can also check out other institutions like the GLBT Historical Society Museum in San Francisco, the ONE Archives at the USC Libraries in Los Angeles, and the Stonewall National Museum & Archives in Fort Lauderdale. These spaces preserve, honor, and expand the record of homosexual, bisexual, and transgender lives across decades of resistance, survival, and joy.

• Rest. Rest as protest. Rest as pride.

6. Buy Your Joy—From People Like You

If you’re going to buy Pride gear, make sure it comes from someone who actually lives this life.
Not a straight intern at Target. Not a rainbow box of Bud Light.

Support gay-owned, Black-built businesses.
(Hi, it’s me.)

Pride is not a costume. It’s a practice.
And if you’re gay, bisexual, or somewhere else in the wide realm of beautiful sexual variance—
you have full permission to redefine what Pride means to you.

No glitter required.
Just guts, grace, and a little lube.