Sometimes when we make big decisions in life, move across the country, get married, have a baby, go to college, things don't always work out exactly how we imagined them. When that happens, we have a tendency to look back and think, I made a mistake. I messed up. I failed.

I had to ask myself that question recently. I'm moving today. I'm going back to Michigan.

About a year ago, almost exactly, I moved down to South Carolina. I came down to be closer to my family. I was having a rough time emotionally, and I knew that being near people who could support me, or at least people I could be close to and share some reciprocal love with, would help get me where I needed to be.

That year didn't happen the way I expected. I primarily spent it alone in my house. And even after just 2 months, I already knew I'd have to move back. 

So the question becomes:

Did I make a mistake?

I came down here. I moved across the country. I uprooted my entire life. I got rid of a ton of things I owned that were valuable. There is a lot that goes into moving across the country.

As I'm sitting here, literally on the trailer of the U-Haul, I have to be honest with you:

No. I did not make a mistake.

I made the best decision I absolutely could have in that moment.

I think a lot of times, when we're looking back on decisions, there's a tendency to retroactively give ourselves more wisdom than we actually had. But that's not fair. I was in a bad place emotionally. I knew what I needed. I knew where to go look for it. I talked to both of my parents, and the parent who was most open to giving me that support at that moment, I went to.

How could that be a mistake?

Could I be harder on myself? Sure. I could say, "You never had a great relationship with your dad. Why would you move closer to him?"

But it wasn't just him. It was my entire side of the family. It gave me the opportunity to spend time with people I'd never really had the chance to know.

Running The Butters has given me a freedom I've never really known before. For the first time in my life, I realized I didn't have to stay in Ypsilanti. I could literally live anywhere in the country. I work from home. I have the income. More importantly, I have the ability.

That freedom let me ask a question I'd never been able to ask before:

"What if I tried somewhere else?"

As someone with ADHD and autism, people don't always realize that even highly functional adults don't necessarily thrive living completely on their own. I'm one of those people where it depends on how big my life is. And with how big The Butters has become, it can be difficult. That's what ultimately brought me down here.

Now I'm heading back to Michigan. Not exactly to pick up where I left off, but to pick up my life again.

 

Kindness in Hindsight

I didn't know this year would be so lonely. I didn't know I'd still end up spending the holidays feeling alone. That part sucked.

But I had to move. I had to get away from where I was. I had to try something new with the freedom I'd earned. And honestly? I'm proud of myself for doing it.

I came down here and got myself together. Maybe I didn't get all the support I hoped for, but I got enough. I got enough distance from the things that were stressing me to get myself into a headspace where I could make better decisions going forward.

 

Pausing

In my last post, I talked about how pausing is part of the plan.

When I found out my landlord was selling the house, I immediately did everything I was supposed to do. I packed. I applied for houses. I got my finances together.

I moved fast. Then there wasn't much left to do besides wait.

I could have rented another $2,500 house. Instead, I waited. I found one for around $1,500. I've been paying roughly $2,000 a month in rent for the last five years. Looking back, I could have owned a home during much of that time, but the places I rented before weren't really homes. The first two were apartments.

That pause gave me something better. A home that's about 25% cheaper than what I've been paying. It's big. It's in the city I wanted. It's in a neighborhood I wanted. And because I didn't rush, I found exactly what I was looking for.

Looking back now, I don't think I made a mistake. I think I made the right decision.

 

Curiosity killed the cat... but satifaction brought it back

When I decided to move in 2025, there were so many reasons behind it. I wanted support. I wanted to be closer to family. I wanted to know what that side of my family was actually like. I wanted to spend more time with my nieces and nephews. I wanted to see if I could connect with my dad. I wanted adventure. I wanted answers.

Big life decisions are almost never about one thing. They're complicated. They're multifaceted. They're feeding many different needs inside of us all at once. When we look back, we tend to judge them by only one outcome. But that's not the whole experience.

I wanted to see what life down here was like. Now I know.

This adventure may be ending, but I'm already excited about the next one. I already have the house. I move in in a couple of days. I could stay here a little longer and spend some more time with my stepmom, my nephews, and my sister. But I'll probably just get on the road. I'm excited.

I didn't want to permanently give up everything I had in Michigan for the possibility of support down here. Now I know more clearly what I actually need. I can go back with a clear mind. I can build the social life I want. I can ride my bike through the parks again.

The simple things

Believe it or not, South Carolina is beautiful. But they don't really have the kind of parks I was looking for. 

Ironically, that may have been the real mistake. Not moving. Moving to the wrong city. My dad told me to move to Aiken. Honestly, I probably should have moved to Columbia instead. Maybe things would have worked out differently. Maybe I'd still be staying. We'll never know. But we're here now. We'll see what tomorrow holds.

I'm approaching this next chapter with curiosity, optimism, and a sense of adventure. I'm only 38. I've got a lot of life left.

And it wasn't a mistake.

If you're looking back on one of your own decisions, wondering whether you ruined everything... You probably didn't. You made the best decision you could with the information you had. Most people do. So if it didn't work out the way you hoped, hold your head high. Take what you learned. And keep going.

Sometimes the point of an adventure isn't that it lasts forever. Sometimes the point is simply that it gives you the clarity you needed for the next one.