5 'Terrible' Reasons Not to Shop at The Butters (Or Are They?)

Ahoy there! If you're reading this, it's likely because you've been tempted to shop with The Butters and want to know if there's any reason you shouldn't. Well, let me be the first to confess: There are absolutely reasons not to shop with us! Though, whether these are deal-breakers or secretly the most amazing things you've ever heard… well, that's up to you to decide. So here they are, the top five 'downsides' to shopping at The Butters:

1. All-Vegan, All Handmade, All the Time
   I know, it's disappointing. In a world where factory-produced items are the norm, it's tragic that our products have to be 100% vegan and handmade. Every single ingredient is selected to my meticulous standards. It might not be the industrial-grade hygiene you've become accustomed to, but it's the heartfelt, handmade touch we offer. Such a shame.

2. It's a One-Man Show Over Here
   Every piece of art has a creator, and The Butters is no different. Owned, designed, made, and even illustrated – it's all done by yours truly. So, you're basically putting your trust in the exquisite taste of one man. Tragic, right? I know your budget might strain under the weight of such perfection.

3. The Overwhelming Variety
   Oh, where to begin with our extensive product list! With over 50 different products, choosing just one (or ten) can be such a chore. Every single item is top-notch. Still, sifting through so much awesome can be tiring. So much goodness in one place, it's truly outrageous.

4. Paying Employees a Fair Wage? How Dare We!
   Brace yourself for this one: We take your hard-earned money and give a whopping 25% back to our employees in wages and bonuses. It's such a catastrophe to shop somewhere that values its workers, right? With that level of compensation, you just know the customer service and product quality will be so phenomenal, it's almost irresistible.

5. Sexual Health with a Side of... Everything Else
   At the heart of The Butters is our deep commitment to sexual health. So, whenever you buy your lube, it comes from a diverse individual: part sex nerd, part pastry chef, and part, well, let's just say "good Christian boy." Expect to be so satisfied you might just have a divine experience. A bit overboard? Maybe. But we aim to please!

So there you have it, the top 'drawbacks' of shopping with The Butters. After reconsidering, these might actually be compelling reasons to fill up your cart. But don't let me sway you; feel free to come to your own conclusions. Maybe we're just so 'terrible' that we're terrific. 😉🛍️🌱