Why Sex Work Isn't For You: Insights from a Sexual Psychologist & Sex Worker

In college, when I was told that sex work was work, I agreed because, intuitively, I understood that any labor humans want to value and pay for is valid. Even if that involves you standing in a corner somewhere, holding a sign, or being a plate of sushi, or getting gangbanged by 46 dudes on a bus. It's all good as long as you are enthusiastic and fulfilled by the job - pun intended. Truthfully I'd always known that sex work broadly was a valid career path that allowed for alot fo freedom and variabilty for me and others.

With the advent of OnlyFans and the pandemic, sex work has reached a new zenith in popularity that I never expected to exist. I knew that we would get nudes of everyone and the body would become less shameful, but I did not expect such rapid commodification of something that I have also known intuitively is crucial to a person's psyche.

When I decided to put my nude body online years ago, I did it out of pride, excitement, and exhibitionism. When I noticed that there was some level of popularity, I wondered if I could make it bigger, but even just trying to produce work around my sexuality set my mind into a level of disorder and panic I had never experienced in my entire life. I gave that up immediately. I was surprised.

What I didn't expect is that I, someone so liberal and who also loves attention, would not like attention for that particular thing when it came to money. Because when you add money into the equation, all of a sudden, you are hitting on two of the most powerful emotional triggers for any human: sex, death, and money. There is nothing more stressful for humans.

Making your career, stability, and mental health revolve around two of those three is asking for trouble. Most people are not built for it. I'm not built for it. You probably aren't built for it. OnlyFans and sex work is not a shortcut to riches. The average OnlyFans performer makes less than $200 a month. In 2024, $200 is barely enough money to get out of bed, let alone allow people into your bed. With the saturation of the market, that value is only going to go down.

In a way, being a writer and blogger of sex was also a career in sex work. And in that career, I had a much greater balance of vulnerability and reward. During that time, I shared many intimate details of my life because I decided that I would live an exemplary life. As a sexual psychologist, I'm willing to put more parts of my life on display than I would expect anybody else to normally do. I knew that I'm adventurous, and for me, writing about these things and sharing them, talking about them, was incredibly therapeutic.

I had very good luck in that I only talked about the things that I wanted to talk about. While I was vulnerable and continue to be even in this moment, I never felt like people would ever see or read something that I didn't want them to in the same way that video does. Yet, there's also plenty of video as well.

For example, on YouTube right now, you can watch my stories of the two sexually transmitted infections I've experienced. I shared those because I was almost excited to have come across the opportunity to share it. I wasn't obviously seeking infections, but things happen in life. Being able to treat these things in the proper way and then share first-hand knowledge of that, to me as a sexual psychologist, just felt so powerful and impactful for people that I could not bear not to share it.

I think that is what makes the difference in sex work in general, specifically OnlyFans type of work, is that unless you feel eager to share, you shouldn't be doing it. The desire for money will not be met unless you're ungodly lucky or already popular. So, while sex work is work, it's also putting you at unimaginable risk emotionally - not to mention reputationally. I have never been worried about my check being blocked by having my twig 'n berries online. I'm not going to fire myself. Also, I sell lube. It's on brand. Yet, most people aren't me. They aren't sexual psychologists who decided that career path at 16 years old. Twenty years later, I've navigated sex work more intimately and successfully than 99% of people in the industry. Still, I know it's probably not the industry for you.