Here we are, right before Valentine’s Day. So, it’s likely you are or are about to find yourself single. But hear me out, that’s a good thing.
It’s a general rule that breakups suck and one right before Valentine’s or some other event sucks so much more, supposedly. But let’s think about this a little more factually, said the autistic.
The Cold CALCULATIONS of Breakups
Back in 2011, Facebook released a chart showing the most common times that people change their relationship status to single. The most common time is the two weeks before Christmas. Then there’s April Fool’s Day, which is rude but funny at the same time. Then there’s the weeks leading up to spring break and summer break, so people can be free to do what they want. But the fourth most common time for a breakup is – drum roll, please – the two weeks before Valentine’s Day.
So, when you think about it, most breakups are tied to another big event. It’s the most common breakup experience. In fact, it kinda seems like people just generally choose a convenient time for them VS any thoughtfulness on softening the blow for their partner. Despite the cold factuality of this, I think it’s a kind gesture for both parties.
Too many relationships end after they’ve become resentful and toxic. I personally believe you should leave just because it’s unfulfilling or annoying, even if I’m the one being left. Relationships are too important and take up too much brain space to just let things fester.
Why we linger
Originally, when tackling these topics, I’d say that you should wait. I was concerned about doing the “right” thing in a cosmic sense. Now, I realize:
· I was avoiding inevitable guilt as the person most likely to do the severing.
· I was avoiding my fear of abandonment in either case.
· I was avoiding the loss of intimacy.
· I was avoiding the effort and vulnerability of finding someone new.
· I was avoiding public and private embarrassment for making a “bad” dating decision.
Notice, I wasn’t holding on for hope or love, just fear. I’m not special, in this way. This sort of thinking is why so many relationships trail on until they explode. Instead, they should just end, regardless of the date. I guarantee that one more night of indentured romance is unlikely to reignite the damp log that used to burn bright and warm your relationship. But it is likely that you’ll trick yourself into letting things hobble along.
WHY WE SHOULDN’T
If someone wants to leave me, I’d rather not collect more experiences to look back on and wonder how I missed the signs of love leaving. I’d rather be thankful to the person brave enough to save us from our shared misery than villainizing someone I once cared for.
If I’m the one ready to leave, I’d rather make a prideworthy decision than interrogate my intuition and gaslight myself. I’d also rather spend Valentine’s alone, loving myself than feeling tense, distant, or confused. I can’t avoid the feelings of guilt, loss and shame forever. Plus, I’d be miserable in the meantime connected to someone I don’t like anymore.
IT’s A MATTER OF KINDNESS
Our understanding of kindness and cruelty is often skewed to keep things as they are VS assessing the weight of our inaction. I feel like this is just cowardice disguised. Kinda like not telling a friend their outfit is ugly, their fly is down, or their breath is bad. Or more correctly, it’s like leaving a deer you hit with your car to bleed out slowly and painfully in the middle of the road.
In all these situations, the kindest thing to do is show care and concern for the well-being of others. You should always help your friends look better, smell better, and keep their desired private parts private. In the case of your struggling relationship, treat it like a deer you hit. Put it out of its misery. Hell, for all you know, they could also be begging for death.
If you are reading this newly single, that didn’t magically ease your sense of grief. But that’s not what I’m here for, I’m shit at soothing people. But I’m surprisingly good at offering a unique perspective that’s directly opposed to melodrama. Hopefully, I did help you break the cloud of grief and sorrow a little.