When Meg said, “Your honor, I'm a freak bitch, handcuffs, leashes… Never lost a fight, but I'm lookin' for a beatin' (Ah).” It touched me deeply because I could tell it came from the heart. Besides being hot lava, that little excerpt is full of open kinky passion and has once again sparked interest in BDSM. But per usual, most people have no idea to start.
Well, here are a few quick ideas to start playing around with BDSM aka Kink. It's not an exhaustive list but it'll keep you from hurting yourself accidently and offer you solid ideas to get your imagination running.
Remember, this is play:
Kink, BDSM, Dom, sub, pup, impact, anal, foot, fear, whatever you’re into, it’s all play. You should be having fun. You shouldn’t be worried about doing it right or looking cool, that’ll come with comfort, practice, and time. You should be worried about making sure you’re in the moment, fully enjoying the experience and even laughing, of that’s what your bedroom calls for.
All six (not a typo) senses play a huge role in how we perceive sex play. Taking away one or two of our less important ones, sight and sound, will allow the others to burn hotter than normal. Since your senses of touch, smell, taste and whatever you like to call our sixth sense are all more important to getting it on, that’s definitely not a bad thing.
What you’ll do is have one person lay down with the blindfold and headphones on. You want headphones that block out as much sound as possible. The headphones should probably play music to drown out any noise that may leak in but it's not necessary. Get, either a dedicated blindfold or a t-shirt, pulled up over the bottoms face.
You’ll also want to grab some scraps of fabric and body-safe toys with interesting textures. Your breath, hands, finger tips, finger nails, hair, feathers, silk, nylon, wool, leather and metal are all generally available and feel awesome when lightly grazed over anxious skin.
While this doesn’t have to lead anywhere penetrative, it is excellent foreplay. Consider starting with the touching then leaving the blindfold and headphones on for some oral, vaginal, anal, HJ, 69, finger banging, etc.
Top Tips - While the bottom is sans sight and related sound, the top should sort of flit around the bottom; you want to create a sense of mystery, the bottom shouldn’t know where you are in the room. Each time you roll back in, use a different texture or touch a different location to surprise your bottom. You should be lightly grazing the object over their skin/nipple/genitals. Soft, quick and sudden motions can be very exciting when you don’t see or hear them coming.
Bottom Tips – Relax, the sensations will probably be intense. Try not to move or remove your headphones/blindfold. Try to stay still… as still as you can. Getting past your natural twitches is part of the mental fun of BDSM. Be vocal about what you like and don’t, but know, if you’re constantly directing the scene, it will not be as fun. If you try out a texture or activity and it makes your dick soft (metaphorically, for about 50% of you) don’t use that one.
As a kid, a firm hand to your backside was the worst. But as you've grown up, you've become more amenable to things that are not 100% pleasurable.
How gross was beer/wine the first time you tried it? How harsh was your cough when you first tried weed? How much money did you spend taking classes to get your degree? But then you got drunk, high or that job you wanted and it was worth it. It's all a matter of persistence and perception.
Spanking isn't any different than the rest of the BS we put ourselves through because it feels good.
Here, you'll need nothing more than a firm hand and an exposed booty-butt-cheek. But as you get more into it, paddles, whips, flogs, riding crops, belts, and spatulas are all up for spanks. For now stick with your hand, you're much less likely to hurt someone with one of the tools above if you learn what the pain feels like and what your bottom enjoys.
Pick a spot that's comfy and lay your bottom down. Face down, ass up is always a good choice. But bent over your knee or holding onto a bed post is cool too.
Top Tips - Start by caressing your bottom's bottom to awaken the nerves. Next grab the cheek firmly, pinch the skin with the pads of your fingers or tap quickly and lightly to get the blood flow. After your bottom's bottom is primed, then you can spank. Start slowly, working your way up in intensity. Swinging with your wrists hurts less than swinging with your elbows or shoulders. But the latter gives you more control. Every part of your hand offers a different type of impact. Here’s a short list of hand positions to try, but you can go straight Naruto on that ass:
Full flat hand contact aka slap
Fingers together, thumb tucked
Fingers separated, thumb tucked (be gentle so you don’t hurt your hand)
Back of the fingers
Mix up the sensations with rubs, scritches, punches, grabs, jiggles, or even bites. Have fun with it. Let yourself go and really enjoy their body.
Bottom Tips - Be patient with your body. You probably haven't had anyone's had touch your ass this way in many years and, back then, it was punishment. It may take you a while to wrap your head around why the sensation is pleasurable. Try to stick with it unless it makes your vagina dry (metaphorically for 50% of you) or it hurts in a way you don’t like.
This is literally anything you do after the play to take care of each other. Rubbing bruise soother on the cheeks, hugs, cuddles, food, showers, sleep. It’s up to you.
But please be aware, you don’t have to make a big deal of this, despite what you might’ve heard. Often, when I’m done topping, I want to be left alone. I’m not in any mood to be gentle, rub, or hug you. Go away. And that’s fine. But the point of this section is to tell you to be prepared for a mood shift. Some people can click in and out of top/bottom space easily. Most people require time to make the transition one way or the other.