There’s one undeniable truth about vibrant, long-term relationships: they be fucking. I’m talking sloppy-wet, can’t-keep-their-hands-off-each-other, making-other-people-uncomfortable, first-solo-apartment kind of fucking. It’s on their mind all the time, and they’re always in a state of getting ready for their next trip to pound town.

That’s because—whether they know it or not—they’re following the 24/7 Foreplay Rule, or The Dirty Talk All-Time Rule, if you will...

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Intimacy Breeds Disgust

Here’s a hard truth people rarely admit: the closer you get, the higher your chances of being repulsed.

I didn’t learn that in six years of psychology classes, or even in the ten years after I graduated. Not because no one knows—it’s just not often articulated. It sounds too bizarre to be true, and it clashes with the fairytale idea that love is a “happily ever after” kind of thing.

But that’s not why bedrooms die.

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The Real Cause of Dead Bedrooms

The real reason sex fades away isn’t fate—it’s neglect. A lack of effort and priority.

Even a dickless, clitless couple can stay rabidly frisky if they use their biggest sex organ: the brain.

Since I started teaching sexual health and pleasure, I’ve heard the same concern from women again and again:

“I don’t want to have to stay all bouncy and shiny when I don’t feel like it.”

Fair. Totally valid.

But many of those same women also mistake their disgust for some hidden truth about their relationship—it’s not. It’s just what they’ve fallen into.

For men, it often shows up as disgust with their partner. We all know age takes its toll. Nobody’s as perky, tight, or smooth as they were ten years ago. But if he fixates on those changes, disappointment is inevitable.

If he focuses on closeness, though—the connection, the laughter, the shared history—then the wrinkles won’t matter beyond recognizing the face he loves.

So if looks aren’t the key to keeping the bedroom alive, what is?

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The Only Real Cure: Effort

Psychology is a science, not an art. If you follow the rules, you’ll get the results.

Unless, of course, you secretly don’t want it to work—something people rarely admit.

But for everyone else: the cure is effort. Real, consistent, sometimes ridiculous effort.

So what does that look like?

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Getting Back on the Bike

Absolutely filthy, nasty, raunchy talk is your best friend. Forget restraint. Say every single dirty thing that crosses your mind in the grossest way possible.

“How’s my little Twinkie this morning?”
“The scent of your hot marinated morning pussy is my version of smelling salts.”
“God, that makes my cunt all greedy.”
“Every time I see your beard, I wish you were eating me out.”
“Your tits are fucking huge—got my dick all hard. Jiggle ‘em for me, you nasty bitch.”
“Yeah, pick that up, you big strong motherfucker. Then come over here and crack me like a glow stick.”

That’s the kind of talk that’ll get you fucked in the best way.

This language is incredibly healthy for long-term sexuality. Embracing the grossness makes the unwanted kind of disgust easier to handle. You’re always a few words away from saying something slutty and fun. It’s honest, playful, intimate in the nastiest, most loving way possible.

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Picking Up Speed

Next: action.
It doesn’t have to be full-on fucking or sucking (though it should always be on the table). Think more “slap and tickle.”

Slap their ass—often.
Assert dominance. Assert objectification. Assert your hard-on pressed firmly against them. Assert your lips on their lips, their neck, their chest.

Then reach for the tools from your “Intimate Touch” category—those luscious massage oils and body butters from The Butters Hygienics Co.. View Intimate Touch collection. Feel the oil glide. Amplify the touch. Make the skin remember how alive it is. Use the game’s prompt: “touch here … whisper this … reveal that…” while the body butter melts between your fingers and theirs.

And when it’s time to lubricate for glide, ease and full-bodied pleasure? Don’t forget to grab from the “Lubes & Sexual Health” collection. Browse Lubes & Sexual Health

Because when touch and talk merge, the brain lights up. You’re not just fucking—you’re connecting on multiple planes.