This topic works better spoken than read. If you are the kind of person who wants a clean explanation and practical clarity, the video below will land better than the text. If you prefer reading, keep going; the article stands on its own.

Dirty talk is one of those omnipresent behaviors people enjoy but rarely talk about or teach how to do. It's so powerful and impactful yet understudied and utilized. It's also one of the scarier and challenging sex skills one can try. So, it makes sense. But that's a shame because talking dirty is scientifically proven to increase sexual and relationship satisfaction. Yes, just by stimulating your mind alone you're making sexual satisfaction easier to reach and I'm going to teach you how.

Today, we're gonna go balls deep into what dirty talk actually is, why it can feel awkward, how to talk dirty, and then we'll wrap this all up with some actual examples, tips, and prompts to help you craft the exact kind of dirty talk to drive your lover wild.

What is Dirty talk?:

Dirty talk, very simply, is the art of sharing your desires, loves, and

passions. It's not just the most vulgar thing you can think of but that's included. As long as you're truly communicating your desire, erotic imagination, building connection or make sexual desire more accessible, you're doing dirty talk right. It can be tender, brutal, poetic, silly, reverent, factual, instructional, curious, adoring, aggressive, or wordlessly filthy. What unites all of it is intention.

Most importantly, dirty talk is personal. There is no universal dictionary. What feels hot to one person might feel repulsive, neutral or silly to another. The goal is not to sound like someone else; it’s to sound like the truest, most horndog version of yourself.

Why Talking Dirty Works:

The first thing you need to know about increasing sexual pleasure and satisfaction is that the brain is the biggest sex organ. The more intriguing, exciting, and creative you can be the better sex you can have. That's why I promote the 24/7 foreplay rule, that's why I encourage dressing for your partner, and also why I think dirty talk is one of the keys to maintaining your spark long term. As I mentioned, talking dirty has been proven to increase relationship and sexual satisfaction. That means, even when you can't be physically intimate, dirty talk can be boat or bridge over troubled waters back to the bedroom. I don't call it the River of Cum-unication river for nothing!

Dirty talk works because our primate brains are wired to translate language into sensation. Hearing desire arouses in the same way touch does. When someone describes what they want to do to you, or what they feel while doing it, the erotic image lands in the body, not just the mind. This is why erotica is such a popular book genre; words that seem simple on paper can be the world's strongest aphrodisiac. 

Why Dirty Talk Can Feel Awkward: 

You're not the only one; dirty talk can often feel awkward, vulnerable, uncomfortable. Why? You are literally being vulnerable and open to rejection when you do it. Dirty talk is an invitation, and if it's rejected, that's gonna sting longer than if it were accepted - 2 days for acceptence and 3 days for rejection. Rejection also stings hard in the same way pain hurts but normalcy feels like nothing. You're often opening your truest, deepest desires for examination; that's an emotionally risky situation. The stakes feel high because they are. 

If we fumble a joke at work, who gives a fuck; but if we open our mouth in bed and the moment falls flat, the fear is that our desirability might fall with it. So, many people stay silent not because they don’t want to speak, but because they’re terrified that if someone heard what they really wanted, the response would be confusion or disappointment. That’s why compassion, playfulness, and trust matter; they turn dirty talk from a risk into a thrill. Like a rollercoaster vs a car crash.

As someone who can be shy or quiet at times, I totally understand the freezing that happens. You want to do something, you have a thought but it just won't come out. Your mouth is sealed and your head is a echo chamber. This is just anxiety. And the ground rules we're gonna lay out next will help you beat the shit out it like Thanos!

Ground Rules for Excellent Dirty Talk:

1. Make sure it's welcomed - Of course you should have consent. But you should also have current permission, keeping in mind what your partner wants. This guide is for folks in relationships so consent can be presumed for dirty talk but, is this the right time, place, mood, or topic to dirty talk about? You might like feet, anal, kinks or something else but if that makes your lover uncomfortable, it's not dirty talk, it's harassment, which is not sexy.

2. Dirty Talk = Improv + Motivational Speaking - At it's core dirty talk is Mae West-style bawdy improv comedy mixed with motivational speaking; which means, like all great artists, you should be stealing techniques to make your own. 

   • From improv, take the principles of "yes, and," staying present in the moment, reacting honestly, and letting your partner’s energy guide your next line. "When we get home tonight I'm gonna take you straight to bed." "Yeah, then what?"
   • From comedy, steal the timing, the playful exaggeration, the confidence to commit fully, and the willingness to let things be a little absurd. "How's your head?" "I haven't had any complaints."
   • From motivational speaking, use your tone to uplift, affirm, and direct; speak with intention, warmth, and clarity so your partner feels desired, supported, and excited to follow your lead. "Yes! You can ... make my toes curl like Nessa under Dorthy's house."

3. You're a beginner, take the pressure off - Start slow. You don't have to go off the walls immediately or ever. Y'all are together, it's a journey, no point in skipping the goofy awkward parts that will bond you two together. Feel free to script some lines, stick to observation or a text-based medium if speaking your dirty thoughts is uncomfortable. Your main focus is how your words, timing and tone impact your lover, not how it sounds to anyone else. It ain't gotta be perfect spellin. It's just gotta be real to how y'all talk. 

4. Vulgar is good because it's honest - The dirtier or more factual the better psychologically. If it makes you gasp, giggle, blush, flush, or squeal, you're in the right area. Use vulgar words like dick, cunt, nuts, pussy, fuck or technical terms like penis, vulva, anus, intercourse. These are bold, signal confidence. Poetic vulgarity is also welcomed, the skill needed to pull it off shows effort, intelligence and, again, honesty. Cutesy words like kitty, meat, thing, or down there are really only acceptable if they hit your partner's mental spot, they just usually don't.

5. Body Language - The game can be played in many ways and The River of Cum-unication can be navigated in many kinds of vessels. Sometimes responding to dirty talk physically is acceptable and preferred. For example, one partner could narrate what the other is doing. "Oh, yeah, look those strong arms stirring that gravy. Yea, you better taste it." In response, you could give a flex, a smile, or any number of physical gestures to give positive feedback.

6. Don't Over Promise - Look, fantasy is welcome in dirty talk; this is play after all. But don't write checks your sex can't cash or have zero intentions of following up on. If you're both doing it and life just gets in the way, then it's completely harmless fun. However, if you promise hours of fun and reckless abandon, it's not unreasonable for people to think you're being honest. Remember, dirty talk is vulnerable, if you're always hiding behind fantasy, you're not doing it right. 

7. You're Still Allowed Privacy - Just because you're opening up and sharing doesn’t mean you have to share everything now or ever. Ideally you could be an open book, but you are more of an expert on what's best for you. Hold parts of yourself back if they feel tender, unfinished, or not ready for the spotlight; erotic honesty doesn’t require complete exposure. Share what feels good, skip what doesn’t, and remember that mystery can be arousing, too. 

Examples of Excellent Dirty Talk

I. People to Steal Dirty Talk Energy From

If you need inspiration, borrow cadence, confidence, and attitude from people who mastered sexy language long before Instagram captions existed. You’re not copying lines; you’re stealing energy.

• Mae West – Shameless confidence, innuendo, and comedic timing.
• Janet Jackson – Controlled heat, breathy restraint, slow burn seduction.
• Dolly Parton – Sweet charm with a wink; innocence laced with mischief.
• Elvira – Campy filth, theatrical teasing, exaggerated sex appeal.
• Prince – Erotic poetry, devotion, hunger, and musical rhythm.
• Nina Simone – Low, deliberate intensity; desire spoken like truth.
• Eartha Kitt – Predatory purr, unapologetic appetite, elegant menace.
• Madonna (early era) – Provocation, confidence, and playful dominance.
• Grace Jones – Commanding presence, minimal words, maximum power.
• Lenny Kravitz – Masculine sensuality, groove‑driven desire, body‑led language.
• Barry White - Seduction, seranade, and naked desire.

 

II. Affirmation Based Dirty Talk

The most commonly acceptable form of dirty talk. For people who need reassurance, connection, or to feel wanted - so, everyone. These are not directly sexual, but will absolutely make intimacy more desirable. This category hits a deep psychological need for social acceptance. 

• I'm so proud of you!
• That's really helpful.
• I appreciate it so much. 
• You're doing such a good job for me.
• You know just what I like.
• I knew I was right to ask you. 
• I love how open you are with me. 
• God, that's perfect. 
• I need you / your help.
• Keep going just like that; you’re doing perfect.

Bedlibs Templates

• "I love the way you ___; it makes me feel so ___."
• "You're so ___, especially when you ___."
• "Being with you like this makes me feel ___, like my whole body is waking up."
• "I feel so ___ when you touch my ___ like that."
• "The way you ___ when I ___ drives me wild."
• "I love how your ___ does that thing to my ___."
• "You make me feel ___ in places words can't touch."
• "When you ___ for me, I feel completely ___."
• "I love knowing that you ___ me this much."
• "You make me feel so ___, and I love it."

 

Narrative Dirty Talk

The art of description. This is where you narrate reality (or fantasy) in a way that turns the ordinary into the obscene. Think of it like live, erotic commentary; you’re just telling the truth, but sexier. If you freeze during sex, this is your safest category. Simply describe what you’re seeing, doing, or feeling and the dirty part takes care of itself.

• Your body is quivering. Let me do that again. 
• The jiggle physics on your thighs is crazy!
• Your breath changed; right there, I think you like that...
• The way your tits rise and fall when you breathe makes me lose focus. Hypnotic. 

Bedlibs Templates

• "The way your ___ moves when I ___ is making me lose control."
• "Your ___ tastes like ___ and I want more."
• "I can feel how ___ you are every time you ___ against me."
• "When you ___, it makes my whole body ___ like crazy."
• "Looking at your ___ while you ___ is driving me insane."
• "I love how your ___ presses into my ___ like that."
• "The sound of your ___ when I ___ is pure torture in the best way."
• "I can smell how turned on you are; it smells like ___ and I’m obsessed."
• "The heat from your ___ on my ___ feels unreal."
• "I can feel your ___ shaking — don’t stop."

Goofy, Playful, Giggly Dirty Talk

Dirty talk that lowers anxiety and boosts intimacy.

• If you keep doing that, I’m filing a complaint with HR.
• I swear you’re trying to assassinate me with that body.
• Hold on, I need five business days to recover from that move.
• If you make that face again, I’m climbing on top.
• What is all that motion back there!?
• You're wearing that? Do you want to be hard the whole time? Cause that's how you keep me hard the whole time.
• Wolf whistles
• Oh wow, you’re really trying to get me in trouble today.
• How am I supposed to behave when you look like that?
• Don’t look at me like that unless you’re ready for consequences.
• If you bend over like that again, I’m sending you to HR myself.

Bedlibs Templates

For when you need a silly, sexy line that says: “I’m turned on and also being an absolute menace.”

• "If you keep ___ like that, I’m gonna have to ___ and blame you."
• "Are you trying to ___ me with that ___? Because it’s working."
• "The way your ___ is ___ should be illegal. I’m calling HR."
• "If you do that again, I’m gonna ___ right here on this ___."
• "You look so good I might just ___ and apologize later."
• "I need five business days to recover from that ___."
• "If you bend like that again, I’m ___."
• "You can’t look at me like that; I’m weak and I’ll ___."
• "Your ___ is doing something sinful to my ___."
• "I swear that ___ should come with a warning label."

Primal, Romantic, Devotional Dirty Talk

For the kind of people who like erotica, romance novels, sexual exploration, gothic aesthetics and the like. If you're reading this, you probably want this energy in your life. This one is rather easy because you can literally quote or paraphrase your lover's favorite authors, poets, characters, or even just play with the concepts of consumption, ownership, forever, etc.

• I want to drag you beneath me and stay there until you're shaking.
• The way you open for me feels like destiny and desire wrestling under your skin.
• I need to feel every inch of you clinging to me like sunlight on sweat.
• You’re mine right now and forever. All of this is for me.
• You taste like heat and danger and I need another kiss to survive.
• I want to press you into the bed until the world forgets your name and remembers mine on your tongue.
• The sound you make when I touch you is a promise I intend to keep.
• Your body calls to me like it remembers something ancient, and I’m here to answer.
• I can’t get enough of how you taste. I just want more endlessly. 
• I want to feel you begging for more.
• The way you respond makes me want to consume all of you.
• I want your pleasure dripping down my chin.

Bedlibs Templates

• "I want to ___ you until you can’t ___."
• "The way you ___ makes me want to ___ you right here."
• "I need to feel your ___ on my ___."
• "I want to taste every ___ on your ___."
• "I could ___ you all night and still want more."
• "The way you ___ for me feels animal."
• "I want your ___ dripping down my ___."
• "I want to hear you ___ for me while I ___."
• "Your ___ makes me feel wild; I need more."
• "I want to pin you down and ___ until we both lose control."

Putting it All Together: How to Build Your Own Dirty Talk

Dirty talk is not Shakespearean recitation, unless it is for you. Usually, though, it's a remix. Now that you’ve seen the styles and templates, here’s how to stitch them into something that feels natural, sexy, and alive.

Step 1: Choose Your Energy

Different partners, moods, and positions call for different tones. Pick the one that fits your body right now, not your idea of what sex “should” sound like.

• Affirming
• Narrative/observational
• Playful
• Primal/romantic/devotional 

Step 2: Grab a Template

Use any Bedlib as a launchpad. It’s scaffolding, not a script. Plug in one or two words that feel easy. Say it out loud. Whisper it. Growl it. Giggle through it. Whatever comes out is correct because it's yours.

Step 3: Let the Body Respond

Pay attention. Be in the moment. If they moan? Build on it. If they laugh? Lean in. If they shiver? Go slower. Dirty talk is a loop: you speak, their body reacts, your next line grows from the reaction. You’re not performing at them; you’re co‑creating with them.

Step 4: Break the Template

I always tell people that you shoud learn the rules and then break them, if you want to succeed. Once you start talking, ditch the structure. Let sentences fall apart, let words blur, let sounds take over. Dirty talk isn’t always about grammar; it’s about heat.

Step 5: Add Curiosity or Direction

Ask a question or make a request:

• “Show me what you want next…”
• “Do that again…”
• “Like this?”

Those tiny moves turn talk into intimacy. They also bring in narrative dirty talk in a natural way.

Step 6: End With Aftercare

Even one line brings the whole experience full circle:

• “You did so good…”
• “That felt amazing…”
• “I love being close like this…”

What was the first style of Dirty Talk I told you about? Affirmation. 

When to Use These Tools

Dirty talk is one of the pillars of sexual satisfaction. You can use it as often as it's pleasurable.

• During foreplay: curiosity, observation, praise
• During sex: primal, filthy, aggressive, devotional
• After climax: grounding, soothing, affirming
• Outside the bedroom: playful teasing, romantic filth, light sparks

There’s one undeniable truth about vibrant, long-term relationships: they be fucking. I’m talking sloppy-wet, can’t-keep-their-hands-off-each-other, making-other-people-uncomfortable, first-solo-apartment kind of fucking. It’s on their mind all the time, and they’re always in a state of getting ready for their next trip to pound town.

That’s because—whether they know it or not—they’re following the 24/7 Foreplay Rule, or The Dirty Talk All-Time Rule, if you will... The game never ends so the love never ends.

Wrap Up

Dirty talk isn’t about being clever; it’s about being present. The hottest lines come from the body, not the brain. Start simple, let it get messy, and trust that your desire speaks fluent erotic without ever needing a script.

Dive deeper!