Maybe You Should Leave: How to Tell When It's Time to Move On

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like an intruder? Or sat with a group of people, surrounded by conversation, and still felt alone? Where do you feel at home? Safe? Protected? Inspired? Needed? Valued? If it's not where you are and with the people around you, maybe it's time to ask a hard question: Should I leave?

We hear it all the time—wherever you go, there you are. It’s a reminder that running away doesn’t solve all problems, that sometimes the common denominator is you. And sure, there’s truth in that. Self-awareness is important. Personal responsibility matters. But not every place and not every person is meant for you. Some places just don't want some selves.

When Your Best Will Never Be Good Enough

Sometimes, no matter how much you improve yourself, you’ll never be skinny enough, rich enough, pretty enough, giving enough, or even literally capable of doing anything that makes some people and some places want you. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s true. You can fake it till you make it, but faking it isn’t the same as belonging. It’s not the same as being wanted—really wanted—for who you are, not just what you can provide or pretend to be.

Delusion vs. Optimism: Know the Difference

Imagine being in a job where every day feels like an uphill battle. You tell yourself it's just a phase, that if you work hard enough, things will change. But deep down, you know the culture will never value your ideas, and the stress is eating away at your joy. That's not optimism—that's delusion. True hope lies in seeing reality clearly and making choices that honor your well-being.

There’s a fine line between holding onto hope and deluding yourself. Optimism is believing that things can get better with time and effort. Delusion is pretending things are fine when every sign tells you otherwise. It’s not about giving up too soon—it’s about recognizing when staying is costing you more than leaving ever could.

 

How to Tell When It’s Time to Move On

1. You Feel Like You Can Never Exhale: If you’ve tried to adjust, to connect, to engage, but still feel like an outsider, it might not be you. It might be them.

2. Your Needs Are Never Met: Feeling valued and needed isn’t just a nice-to-have—it’s a fundamental human need. If your relationships or your environment constantly leave you empty, it’s a sign.

3. You’re Exhausted by Pretending: When every interaction feels like a performance, the price you pay is your authenticity. And nothing is worth that.

4. Your Growth Feels Stunted: If staying requires you to shrink yourself, hide your light, or dull your edges, then leaving isn’t running away—it’s survival.

When Avoidance Is a Sign to Leave

If you find yourself always needing an exit strategy, that's not a sign of wanderlust—it's a sign you're not in a place where you can feel safe, valued, or at ease. True belonging feels like exhaling after holding your breath for too long.

Avoidance often shows up as fight, flight, or ghosting—ways we instinctively try to protect ourselves from uncomfortable or unsafe situations. (Learn more about overcoming avoidance here.)

If you find yourself constantly needing to escape, whether through physically leaving, emotionally shutting down, or constantly arguing as a form of self-defense, it might not just be a personal flaw. It could be your instincts trying to tell you something important—that where you are is not where you should be.

Walking away isn’t always about giving up. It’s about choosing to be somewhere your nervous system doesn’t feel the need to fight, flee, or freeze. It’s about finding a place where you can just be. When every effort to assert yourself is met with resistance, dismissal, or manipulation, it’s not just a sign to stand up—it’s a sign to step out. Walking away isn’t about giving up; it’s about creating space for the right opportunities and the right people to come into your life.

Sometimes, the bravest act of self-respect is choosing to walk away. It’s not always about fighting or asserting yourself in the moment—sometimes it’s about recognizing when a situation will never honor who you are. (Learn more about standing up for yourself here.)

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries and standing up for yourself is crucial, but so is knowing when those boundaries will never be respected. When every effort to assert yourself is met with resistance, dismissal, or manipulation, it’s not just a sign to stand up—it’s a sign to step out. Walking away isn’t about giving up; it’s about creating space for the right opportunities and the right people to come into your life.

I've been in rooms where I felt like I had to fold myself into smaller versions just to fit. It took me years to realize that sometimes, the problem wasn't me—it was the room. Leaving wasn't just an escape; it was an act of self-preservation.

Walking away isn’t failure. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a brave decision to find the places and people who see your worth without needing you to prove it. It’s choosing to be somewhere you can be both messy and magnificent, vulnerable and victorious, complicated and celebrated.

🛒 Deeper: The Game – Explore where you feel most valued and safe, and how to create those spaces in your relationships.

If reading this made your chest feel tight or your mind race, take it as a sign. Start with one small step—tell the truth to yourself about how you feel where you are. Sometimes, the first door to a better place is the one you close behind you. The truth is, the right place and the right people will make you feel at home just by being yourself. And if you haven’t found that yet, keep looking. You deserve nothing less.