Lessons from Polyamory for the Monogamous: Lessons on Love, Jealousy, and Communication
In the grand buffet of love, polyamory is like the exotic dish some rave about but others eye with suspicion. Yet, even if you’re a steadfast monogamist, there's a smorgasbord of wisdom to sample from the polyamorous platter.
As a poly person, it may surprise you to know I don't actually promote people trying poly for themselves. Most people aren't well suited for it, despite it's recent promotion in pop culture and from sexperts. It's kinda something any adult would intuitively know if they were capable or desirous of handling. This way you don't have to actually try polyamory yourself.
So, Let's carve into the lessons that can fortify a monogamous relationship, sprinkling in some humor as we chew over love, wrestle with jealousy, and toast to communication.
The Starter: A Buffet of Boundaries Just as a buffet has clear sections, polyamorous relationships are a masterclass in boundaries. They’re like the chefs who somehow keep the flavors of multiple dishes from bleeding into one another. For the monogamous, setting up a buffet line between work and play, friends and lovers, can keep the flavors of your love life distinct and delicious.
The Main Course: A Hearty Helping of Honesty Poly folks often have to be as transparent as a glass noodle. They share their feelings, desires, and Google Calendars. The monogamous can take a page out of this open book, serving up honesty that's as refreshing as a crisp salad. After all, nothing says "I love you" like sharing your deepest fears and fantasies before they become the elephant (or the third wheel) in the room.
Side Dish: A Salad of Self-Reflection Ever watched a poly person juggle partners? They often know themselves better than they know their Netflix password. This self-reflection helps them understand what they want and how they love. Monogamous couples, stir up your own salad of self-awareness. It’s the perfect side to any main dish and helps prevent that bloated feeling of regret.
The Condiment: Sprinkling in Some Spicy Jealousy Ah, jealousy, the jalapeño of emotions. It can add a kick or burn the house down. Polyamorous relationships deal with jealousy by passing around the milk of understanding and communication. Monogamous partners, sprinkle lightly. Recognize that jealousy can spice up care and commitment, as long as you remember to dilute it with a good dose of trust.
Dessert: A Sweet Spoonful of Space Polyamory teaches us that love is not about gobbling up someone’s time like it’s the last slice of cake. It's about savoring the moment and then happily sharing. In monogamous relationships, give each other a sliver of space. It’s the dessert of independence that can make reuniting feel like the first taste of a chocolate mousse: rich, exciting, and deeply satisfying.
The Cheese Course: Matured Communication If polyamory were a cheese, it’d be a complex blue, veined with lines of open dialogue. Poly partners often excel in communication, not just passing the cheese but discussing its flavors, textures, and how it complements the relationship cracker. Monogamous pairs, let your words age like a fine Gouda, growing richer and more nuanced with time. It's all about savoring the conversation and digesting it fully.
After-Dinner Drink: The Digestif of Trust In poly relationships, trust is the smooth brandy that warms the soul after a hearty meal. It's knowing that your partner’s heart may be a tavern, but there’s a reserved seat for you by the hearth. Monogamous lovebirds, sip on the cognac of trust to settle the stomach of doubt and relax into each other’s arms.
The Takeaway Box: Continual Learning The banquet of polyamory shows that love, in all its forms, is a continuous potluck of learning. Whether you feast on one dish or sample from many, the lessons are there to be shared. The key ingredient is always the same: an appetite for growth, a taste for understanding, and a belly full of laughter.
So, even if you choose to dine à deux for life, the principles of polyamory can add some unexpected seasoning to your relationship stew. Stir in communication, sprinkle with trust, and let it simmer on a low heat of understanding. Bon appétit!