In the modern world we have more choices for how to express ourselves, our personality, and our gender. This can lead to decision paralysis and confusion about who we really are. While I’m lucky to have a lifelong stable relationship with these parts of myself, I’ve still questioned if I match up with other people and if I’m living myself authentically.

Many people feel this confusion. So, to help, I’ve laid out 5 characteristics of the feminine and masculine that would help you determine your masc:fem ratio. This should help you make better decisions about how you express yourself and come to appreciate qualities you might not have found pride in before.

To find your ratio, you simply give 20% value to any characteristic you have. If you have 3 of each, you’d be 60/60. If you have 5 of one and 4 of the other, you’d be 100/80. The closer to 100/100 the more you’re likely to feel gender bendy, two-spirit, or non-binary. The further away from 100/0 or 0/100, the closer to a traditional masc or fem personality.


Some common characteristics of femininity include:

  1. Emotional sensitivity and empathy: feminine people are often seen as more emotionally attuned and responsive than men, with a greater capacity for empathy and emotional connection. If you know how people feel by looking at them, this is you.

  2. Nurture and caretaking: feminine people are often seen as natural caregivers, with a focus on nurturing and supporting others. If you have plants or pets, this is you.

  3. Grace and gentleness: Feminine behavior is often associated with grace, gentleness, and softness. Patience fits in this as well.

  4. Sensitivity to appearance and aesthetics: feminine people are often seen as more concerned with their appearance and more attuned to aesthetic details. Typically, you put aesthetics over function.

  5. Intuition and creativity: feminine people are often seen as more intuitive and creative than men, with a greater capacity for self-expression and artistic expression. Pattern recognition & the ability to convert raw materials to art fit here. You’re typically in touch with your emotions. Chefs, artists, engineers, this is you.  

  6. Collaboration and cooperation: feminine people are often seen as more collaborative and cooperative, with a greater focus on building relationships and working together towards common goals. If you typically want to work with people and don’t want the stress of being top dog, this is you.


Some common characteristics of masculinity include:

  1. Physical strength and toughness: masculine people are often expected to be physically strong and tough, and to exhibit bravery and courage in the face of danger. If you value your physical strength, this is you.

  2. Competitiveness and assertiveness: masculine people are often competitive and assertive, to take charge and lead, and to stand up for themselves and their beliefs. If you like to win, this is you.

  3. Independence and self-reliance: masculine people are often expected to be self-sufficient and independent, to solve problems on their own, and to not rely on others for support. If you typically think about how to solve problems with only your skills, this is you.

  4. Rationality and logic: masculine people are often encouraged to be rational, logical, and analytical, to make decisions based on facts and evidence, and to avoid being overly emotional. If you make decisions on what you think vs what you feel, this is you.

  5. Dominance and control: masculine people are often expected to be dominant and in control, to be assertive and take charge in social situations, and to be the decision-makers in relationships. Do you typically end up being the team leader, find that people defer to you or find yourself disgruntled following, this is you.

  6. Sexuality: masculine people are often expected to be attracted to and engage in sexual relationships. If you’re a hunter or sexual initiator, this is you.


My ranking:

Looking at this list, I have 100% masculinity and 20% femininity creative/intuitive characteristics. I dress 100% masculine. I behave 100% masculine - But I think with a slight feminine edge, like most cis gays and children of single mothers. I do utilize 100% of both skill trees but I had to learn them. It is not my nature to be nurturing/caretaking, graceful/gentle, sensitive to appearance/aesthetics, or collaborative/cooperative. I’m often aggressive, intuitive of appearance, and instructional aka dominant. Typically, I hire someone with the characteristics I don’t have to solve these annoyances in my life, which sounds like a wife. All my employees are women. I have a history of selecting cis gay male partners who later discover they’re straight trans women, it’s a superpower. I think my masculinity offers others the ability to sit in their femininity more comfortably.


So where do you fit?

How do these spirits show up in your life?

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