In the 1997 legendary tv movie classic Rogers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella, Bernadette Peters portraying the evil step mother educated her daughters the right way. “This isn’t about love. This is about marriage!” Sermon. “Falling in love with love is falling for make believe. Falling in love with love is playing the fool.” Church!!!
At 10, I giggled cause I though she was just being mean and that was funny. Little did I know, I was playing the fool and you probably are too! Here’s why:
Love is overrated
It is a common misconception that a successful marriage is solely based on love. Love isn’t even required for a functional relationship. Love can be described as a deep and intense feeling of affection and attachment towards another person. It involves feelings of warmth, fondness, and caring, and can bring a sense of joy and fulfillment to one's life. Love is all about feeling. Love won’t feed you, protect you, keep on track, or make you reliable. Love won’t stop adultery. The only thing love does is cloud your mind. Love is chemical drug, and the truth is you’re addicted. Chasing love has left you empty, lonely, and miserable.
Love is not even an emotion
The concept of love refers to a complex set of behaviors, attitudes, and emotions that are typically associated with affection, attraction, and a deep sense of connection towards another person or thing. While love can certainly involve strong emotions, it is more accurately described as a concept or idea, rather than a pure emotion. Love is often associated with a range of emotions, including happiness, joy, and contentment, as well as anxiety, jealousy, and sadness. However, these emotions are not exclusive to love, and can be experienced in other contexts as well. This is why fighting for love is stupid. Fight for function and results!
Marriage is a Job
Marriage requires effort and commitment from both parties to make it successful. Like a job, it comes with certain responsibilities and duties, including financial responsibilities, household chores, and child-rearing duties. Partners must work together to build a strong and enduring relationship by communicating effectively, problem-solving, and adapting to changing circumstances. There will be ups and downs in a marriage, and partners must work through these challenges together. Seeking outside help from a therapist, counselor, or religious leader can help navigate any difficult issues that may arise. By recognizing that marriage requires hard work, commitment, and dedication, partners can set realistic expectations and build a lasting relationship.
Duty is King
While love and attraction can ebb and flow over time, a sense of duty can help to sustain the relationship through the ups and downs of life. Duty can be defined as a feeling of responsibility towards one's partner and the relationship, and a willingness to fulfill one's obligations and commitments. In a marriage, partners have a duty to each other to be supportive, caring, and committed to the relationship. This means being willing to put in the effort and work required to maintain a strong and enduring partnership. It also involves making a conscious choice to prioritize the needs of the relationship over individual needs or desires.
A sense of duty can be especially important during tough times in a marriage. Like when they’re shittin’ fartin’ and pukin’ and cursin’ and cryin’. When a relationship is faced with challenges, such as financial problems, health issues, or conflicts, partners who feel a strong sense of duty to each other and the relationship are more likely to work through the difficulties together. In these situations, partners may need to make sacrifices and put in extra effort to support each other and the relationship. This can involve being patient, empathetic, and understanding towards each other, and being willing to compromise and find solutions to the problems at hand.
Love is great, but let's be real: it's not enough to keep a marriage afloat. Like a good job, marriage requires effort, commitment, and a sense of duty from both partners. Sure, love can be a drug that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but it won't pay the bills, do the laundry, or change a diaper. And let's face it, when tough times hit, you need more than love to see you through. It takes teamwork, communication, and a willingness to put in the hard work to make it work. So, next time you find yourself chasing the elusive feeling of love, just remember: duty calls, and it's the key to a successful marriage.