Above Image: Messy bitch CEO realness. Category closed!
Let The Butters help you keep your temple in order, even when its inhabitant is asleep at the wheel.
Life is chaotic and shit happens. One consequence of the chaos is a downturn in personal hygiene, and I know this struggle incredibly well.
College was great for me, but I spent two of my six years struggling. I was hella depressed and anxious, paralyzed from making any decisions thanks to untreated ADHD. I wouldn’t eat, bathe, brush my teeth, or change my clothes for several days. I also wasn’t sleeping, so I clearly had other, more pressing concerns.
I share this incredibly relatable fact because here at The Butters, I make products knowing this happens. All of my creations are modern spells for wellness, infused with good intention, practical expertise, and a touch of luxury to ensure a comforting, pampered sensation.
Back then I fell apart, looked terrible, and felt worse. Today, with The Butters, I get great results quickly and durable results over time, which allows for complete breakdowns in my hygiene routine.
Whether you’re heading to school, prepping for seasonal affective disorder, unmedicated for the gods, or just stressed all to hell like me right now, you can look great and feel a tick better!
I’m 32, I’ve had one shower in three days, picked up smoking again, and have eaten mostly gummy peach rings/sour watermelon Sour Patch Kids for the past week. Yet, look at this skin!
I might be incredibly broke and stressed personally, but my biz is successful, bills are paid, and my skin is flawless as I lay in bed at 1:11 p.m. #wokeuplikethis #noedit
Here’s how I keep my skin glowing:
In warmer weather, this durable face is due primarily to Anti-Aging Face Oil supported by whatever one of our cleansers is lying around. In cooler or drier weather, add some Zit Zapper Moisturizer. When I’m feeling fancy, I add toner. When I’ve got a pimple, which is about as rare as before puberty, some Zit Zapper Mask is all that’s required.
Other helpful hygiene tips for when you’re in a funk:
· Use Zit Zapper Moisturizer in every crevice to refresh and moisturize. It’s antimicrobial.
· Anti-Aging Face Oil works for your beard and doesn’t require a clean face to be effective. In fact, it’s an excellent oil cleanser. This is a powerful concoction – it’ll soothe itching and fungal infections anywhere externally. I don’t have any guidelines for severity limits, but expect a sting in those situations. Any pain more than an alcohol/lemon juice-to-fresh-cut experience is abnormal. Also, it shouldn’t last more than 15 to 30 minutes – use your own judgement. #notadoctor
· Zit Zapper Mask can be used on open sores. I sometimes get inflamed pores under my belly – bodies are gross. When they pop, ZZ Mask helps it dry out and clear up much quicker. This is off-label, and again, #notadoctor
· Keep your hair healthy by applying Liquid Gold or Anti-Itch Scalp Oil to your scalp. If you’re already using Anti-Aging Face Oil, you also can apply that to the scalp.
· Eat, bitch. Don’t eat stuff you know will make you feel like crap.
· Say no to extra responsibilities.
· Don’t beat yourself up too much.
· Engage in vices mindfully – this can mean mindful avoidance, if that’s what’s best for you.
· Remember, showers feel amazing, even when you don’t want to do them. Plus, long dramatic showers can be fun.
· Don’t judge your worth by your productivity. Take the time you need, but be honest when you just don’t want to get up and get back to life. That’s real and valid. Capitalism isn’t a motivator for most of us. Just ask all the bags I didn’t chase this summer.
· Therapy, support groups, social groups, and empathetic friends exist for a reason.
· Taking even one of these steps will be incredibly helpful.
I would like you to know:
On top of my knowledge base in hygienics, I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology focused on human sexuality, anatomy, and biology from Eastern Michigan University. I also have a certificate in baking and patisserie from the now-defunct Le Cordon Bleu Scottsdale. I’ve been a sex educator online for 11 years @ LTASEX.com. Take all of my advice with this knowledge and make smart decisions that are right for you. Neither me nor The Butters are responsible for any mishaps. #notadoctor, just a guy who is a connoisseur of living well.
The FDA would like me to tell you:
+ All products are for external use only, unless otherwise noted.
+ All products are preserved in some way. Adding anything, heating, or sticking dirty fingers in the products may contaminate or compromise their preservation.
+ Natural does not mean healthy and perfect for you; lead and uranium are 100 percent natural and vegan. Always use caution when exposing yourself to new materials. If you have questions or concerns, drop us a line at email@example.com.
+ We don’t make medicine, but sometimes we use FDA-approved drugs. Drug facts are included with those products. All claims are made with the best available information, updated with the latest science. Once we’re bigger, we’ll be funding science of our own. Until then, we’ll have to rely on a few centuries of folk knowledge to round out our modern knowledge.
+ No “cosmetics” company is required to submit recipes to the FDA. Our facility (apartment) isn’t inspected, but it is managed to ServSafe standards.
+ Made at home with love and expertise by The Butters Hygienics Co. in Ypsilanti, MI.
Call or Text 734-221-0250
+ External use only. We use some food items and they look delicious (they’re usually even safe to taste), but it’s not food, and not meant to be eaten.